Member-only story
My Life At The Moment
Is today Tuesday? Or Blurday? All I know is that in the last nine weeks, since early March, I’ve been out of the house once. For 15 minutes to get a new debit card. I will next go out in a week to my Doctor. To get prescriptions filled and to start the process to get a new wheelchair and smart-drive power assist.
For some of you, my presence, my continued presence on this planet is somehow problematic. If you don’t like me, I don’t care. If you don’t love me, that’s fine, too. I’m too old and tired to fight battles with people. I have been bullied, belittled, disrespected, screwed over and dismissed my whole life. I’m 61 years old, with a life-long disability. I am invisible to most and an annoyance to many. I understand my role very well.
See, one thing I learned in my life is that well-meaning people rarely do well. Promises are just sugar-coated lies. I’ve been told I matter, but, in the end, I’ll die without notice or fanfare. I realize I’m a joke to some people and a nuisance to others. What I wanted in life — respect, mostly — was never achieved.
People who judge me based on my politics are just myopic. That’s OK, too, because the pendulum swings both ways. I don’t care. As Jesus told Pilate, ‘everything is fixed and you can’t change it.’ The fate of my life was determined long ago.
